Fascination with Imagination

I imagine too much, one would say. I am way too silly, another would say. I am constantly thinking, every milli-second. Even when I'm sleeping, I am constantly experiencing really deep dreams, the kind where it makes me think again on it. When I'm awake, I'm constantly planning my schedule, or thinking about my work etc. I really don't know how to relax at all. Even when I'm watching a movie, I can't seem to relax. Because whatever happens in the plot, I somehow find a way to relate it back to me, or I reflect on it.

Lee tried teaching me meditation, and I couldn't even go past a minute. I tried concentrating on my breathing but my mind creeps into the thinking pattern again. I used to dance and do a lot of exercises to not think, but I've lost that ability also. Sometimes I think I'm overworking my brain to the point of constant painful headaches. I'm stretching my brain way too much but I don't know how to give it a rest either. I secretly think this is why I am better in the social sciences, and not physical sciences. I can't stand the limitation of physical sciences, there are too many rules to abide by whereas with social sciences, I can write and think freely, at least for the most part.

Anyways, waking up at 6 AM and coming home around 6 PM, then look at my books until 1 AM is a bitch!!! I can't wait to graduate and take a year long break, before doing more schooling again. Me and Lee have somewhat planned to go to HK/China in Oct 2008, so we'll see you guys then. That's if you're still going to be there, Lau!

Live and be lived

When a relationship crumbles and falls, the best thing to do is pack up all the memories in a box and hide it into the darkest part of your closet. Anywhere so that it's not in the visible vicinity for at least a few years. But before packing it up, ask yourself if you've taken the initiative to solve whatever underlying problems that existed; if you've done that, then you're good to go. Life is all about stumbling onto crossroads and mountain heaps of stones, then moving on like everything mattered but didn't shake you to the point of hopelessness.

I choose to let go of everything that once mattered but seems miniscule now. I choose to not let something that once mattered, matter in a way where I cannot function. I choose to let go and be happy again, be in the limelight where my feelings mattered more.

It's all about living and be lived now, especially when I have a chance; while she's away at the hospital fighting for her life.