Happy

Fareeda - You'll like this. Click on Chris Daughtry!

I have a lot on my plate that I'm kind of feeling overwhelmed. Finding a full-time job, doing my weekly readings, meeting up or catching up with old friends, trying to brush up my resume, work, school (I was chosen to be a notetaker for two courses, so I have to attend, not that I was planning on skipping) etc. I suppose the only way to not be overwhelmed is not to take on so many things, but I think each of them are really important. They are all a part of me, and if I one of them is out of balance, I don't end up feeling too great (which is what the past few months were like).

Somehow, even though I've been feeling overwhelmed for the past month, I've actually been getting more and more happy. I suppose it's the feeling of letting go of a lot of petty things that gets me this way. The other day, just a few steps before stepping into my work building, I was actually smiling even though it was snowing fiercely. It's been two years since I've done that. Just smiled to myself, and not because I remembered something sweet or funny. And then the month spiraled into smiling about the littlest things at work or school or people.

Hope this feeling last for awhile because being sad is just too tiring. Have to say that the insights I get from people around me are the best.

Another thing, this thing about full-time employment. I am so scared of not getting a full-time offer come May in either financial institutions, economics, development projects, developmental organizations etc. And I know I speak a few languages but I really don't think that's going to get me anywhere. Few people say that I'm in good shape but it's kinda looking dim, especially how a lot of the entry-level places are looking for people who have/currently taking Masters. And I don't think I want to pursue Masters until few years down the road. My real plan was to have a full-time job, and still acquire a Legal-related Diploma, and learning French, and taking dance classes. So I don't know....(sigh)

Don't think I want to get married now hahaha. I have too many things I want to do before settling down.

Road Rage

Thought I'd share this e-mail I received from Fareeda:

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof--and the horn--screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

People

I know a lot of people don't share the same sentiment as me but I like my co-workers. It's not the same as when I was helping my parents manage the restaurant. I mean, at the restaurant, I'm coming from the perspective of managing people's tasks vs. now, being productive together, and complaining about it together.

But I think there's a lot of different qualities in these people I meet. I like people who are straight forward, maybe because I'm like that too. I just absolutely cannot stand people who beat around the bush, pretending etc. I find that the people I work with, or I talk to the most are the more straight forward people than the others, which explains why I confide in them more. And they're smart people, people I have a lot of respect towards. And they're passionate about things in life. Even though some of them lack office ethics.

I mean I come into the office and right away, we indulge in politics. How great is that? Ha, I know it's a heavy topic for some people, but the bottom line is seeing people being passionate, engaging in something passionate, it says a lot about their character.

Anyways, it's just enlightening and makes me giddy.

Hope you all have a great weekend! I'll post up some pictures as the weekend ends. Finally going to see some of you!

E-mails

I just spent an hour replying e-mails to some friends. Alan's being the longest. Right beside my laptop, I have these piles of books and notes waiting to be touched by me. Argh! I did nothing this weekend. Well, not nothing. Caught up on some sleep and still so tired. And pretty much finished my DS Lite game. At this point, some of you guys will be encouraging me to slack off and others will be shaking their head in disapproval, I can already picture it haha.

Lee was in Maryland over the weekend for a conference. I got him to buy a purse for me since my usual one was getting old. And his surprise to me was a pretty nice casual shirt from Banana Republic. Ha, so surprised that he had good taste, especially the purse :) But of course like any independent lady, I am not getting him to pay for anything when I am perfectly capable of it. HA!

So as a way to punish myself for being so bad over the weekend and for being a slacker, I will be catching up tonight. And have coffee for the rest of the day tomorrow. And totally prepared to bring as many snacks as I can. Fruit snacks. Yup, it's going to be a great day tomorrow! And a great upcoming weekend because I will be celebrating Lee's birthday, drinks with Kitty and Lisa and having winterlicious dinner with great people. Now what to get for the boy will be the headache. Anybody have ideas? (He doesn't read this blog anyway haha)

Have a good day at work/school, everyone! Be good!

Love and Music

After hearing this Chinese song on Lau's site, I suddenly got a little nostalgic over love in music. I'm usually not in great favor for Chinese (Cantonese) music mainly because I think the lyrics are pretty blech. But sometimes I hear a great Cantonese song and then I change my mind, until I come across bad music. And the cycle starts over. English songs are still the best.

Anyway, soulful songs make me sad. I know I have every reason to be happy sometimes and I am, but sometimes I just am not. One of the things songs get me sad is love itself, or the love that goes through every possible trials. Parental love, child love, romance love, friendship love etc. All the essential relationships in our life that we need to be able to learn to love and be loved.

I have never ever really lacked parental love and familial love and this is where I am very lucky. I am very close to my parents, despite some big differences here and there. I have gotten a lot closer to my siblings over the past few years. At the end of the day, we cannot picture life without each other. But I will hear some songs here and there in life that can spark an imagination where my family is not in the picture, and then that can easily move me to tears. At the end of the day, I wish to have my family with me at every major turn of events that happen in my life, despite the discrepancies of old age and diseases. Maybe it's childish of me to hope for my family to be with me throughout my life but when it comes to loving, you love with all you have and hold on them (physically) as much as possible. Often times, there's always a couple songs that brings the family together for just a few moments, because everyone finds a way to hum or sing with each other.

Love in a friendship, I think, is the most vulnerable. It disappears just as quickly as the friendship develops. But there are always certain friendships that get away, and you still love them, even if you deny it. The things you went through together just haunts you everywhere in life. Often times, a song just reminds you over and over the bond that brought the friendship together or the song that drove it away.

When it comes to loving someone romantically, there is something really magical about songs that elevate our emotions. This is certainly true of my past, as well as my present. Loving someone and being loved, in the perfect timing; songs just bring them together, creating this harmony with love, time and words that describe it all.

Tonight, I just feel like listening to some soulful songs and mesmerize my soul with the melody and the lyrics. Everything about love is described better with songs.

Please excuse my heavy entry. I'm in my reflection mode, sparked by meaningful conversations with a few people this week. I do recommend you guys to listen to Rascal Flatts - What hurts the Most.

Decisions....

I got selected for a position of Youth Service Officer by Service Canada.

Problem is it's in Dawson Creek, BC and the position is really only for four months. End of April to End of August. Of course, all the travel and relocation costs will have to come out from my own pocket.

I am really tempted to try because it's a new city and I would love to explore it. The great thing about it is that 4 months is a perfect time for me to see if I like the place or not, and if I don't like it, I have a home back here in Toronto.

Yikes. I don't know what to do. I have to let them know by Friday.

I'm sure most of you know that I'm against people who take their religion to the extremist point of view and who do not have any capability in translating their religious scriptures right. I have had people who try and preach me things like this. Just take a look at this youtube video that I came across while procrastinating.

The part where she says is God hates pedophiles and that most pedophiles are homosexuals.
What the fuck! Get your damn facts straight. And the fact that she's an attorney. Argh!

Shirley Phelps - You do not understand how to preach Christianity the right way, and I'm surprised you know the Bible at all because obviously you don't.

What will my life be like without CSI Las Vegas and CSI Miami marathons, movies, DS Lite and preserved lemons? Insanity! Oh and Lee and Eugene! And all the food?! It's a good thing I'm still exercising. Not as well as Eric though. *bows my head in shame*

And two of my turtles died this past weekend. Sigh. One was a fighter who fought for 6 months to be alive without consuming anything, and the other turtle lived for a year, so at least the bigger turtle had a chance at living.

"Curse of the golden flower" was really very good. I had a completely different opinion from Lee and Eric but then I always do. Loved, loved the movie! I pretty much love all movies directed by Zhang Yi Mou.

"The girl next door" is quite alright. Kind of funny and kind of stupid. What can I say?

When passion calls...

I always found the perfect reason to not dive into it. There were other more "important" things that I needed to attend to and left it. Till it turned into envying others who were able to and did something about their passion.

Dancing.

I remember dancing with my siblings after dinner till it was time to sleep. We used to copy other moves and then somehow it inspired us to our own. We even used to do robot movements really well. While I've always had a vying crush on dancing, ballet was really what I wanted to do. As a young child who had a lot of imagination and a lot of emotions built up, I felt ballet could express all the things I'd been feeling. All the tension and desire bundled up into free movements of art. But it's too late to start ballet. So hip hop and contemporary jazz is what I want to do now. Maybe a little taste of ballroom dancing with Lee, like Eric suggested.

As soon as this semester ends, I'm going to enroll myself in some classes and take some legal-related courses. I can't wait to really start my life. Nothing about the laying back after work appeals to me.

Perfect Remedy

My nasty cold is over, after two weeks! Which is a personal record for me. The remedy? Preserved lemons, aged 10+ years. After witnessing my bad cold, Lee's mom gave me a jar of preserved lemons to drink with water and honey. Ha, do you know how happy I was to get lemons as my cold remedy? Anyways, it works. Quite well too!

On a whole different news, It just dawned on me that the zipper broke which means the relationship is over for me. Maybe other people will say that the zipper just wore down over the years, but things like that are very symbolic for me. Like the ring that suddenly disappeared, which eventually led to the falling out of another relationship. Ha, sometimes I think my head and my heart works in very mysterious ways, and my heart always takes precedence over my mind.